Crowsnest - Film (Spoiler Alert)

Itching for a whole lot of nothing? Well, this will scratch it.

Crowsnest is another "found footage" film, following the path of such films as Paranormal Activity, V/H/S, and (the grandfather of them all) The Blair Witch Project. The big difference is that these three films were actual relevant and influential to movies.

Understand that I am a reviewer who finds "found footage" to be the laziest form of film making ever. There is zero writing, directing requirements of a caveman, and absolutely no imagination when it comes to the camera work. Any fool can swing a camera around and point and shoot. While Blair Witch Project was groundbreaking in its idea of storytelling, almost everything else that follows is a cheap imitation where the producers can crap out an hour and forty minutes of garbage and still turn enough of a profit.

However, a few movies in this genre have managed to be more than a Blair Witch wannabe. Crowsnest, however, is not one of them. It takes every cliche and puts it before you to assault your brain cells much like the killers take out the characters in the movie.

First, a group of horrible friends (and a fifth-wheel sister) drivel on and on, establishing their lack of goodness for a good chunk of the intro. The "lead" uses his camera to spy on neighbors (who cares) and attempt to record sexual acts with his girlfriend (so what).

As with all modern "found footage" movies, the cast is either left to come up with brilliant dialogue on their own or some genius has wracked his brain and slaved over a computer. The end result is such quotable gems as "F*ck, man. I don't know." or "F*ck! What was that?" or just simply "F*ck"   Makes you think, doesn't it.

Reality doesn't have to be so boring.

Anyway, these horrible snobby people with a two word vocabulary decide to trek into the woods for a little getaway. On their journey they see a skinned animal that they stop to poke with a stick, the little girl from The Ring, and an angry RV that I was praying was not possessed like the car from Christine. It's all pretty random and does not build mystery so much as it does confuse and frustrate.

So, after the group stops to let the sister puke her brains out from drinking a beer, she gets plowed over by the RV. The group has the dumbest argument ever where everyone blames the driver for stopping on the side of the road (dumb because they were mad at him for NOT stopping just 60 seconds earlier in the film). In fact, the driver has done everything that a normal person would do and the entire group has verbally attacked him for it (most of it contained variations of "F*ck you, Jeff!"...or whatever his name was). They yelled at him for poking a dead animal. They were mad because he said they needed to get off the road. They were mad when he didn't get off the road. They were pissed when he wanted to go somewhere to find cell phone service so they could call for help. These people bitched the entire time and did NOTHING helpful, yet the film maker seemed determined to make the driver seem like the bad guy.

Anway, they all continue to get picked off by two killers who reside in the RV. The killers are never completely shown and yet you never get much more of an impression than that they are fat and bad dressers. Their characters are so vague and normal that you don't fear them at all.

The movie ends with two characters finding their car and a signal. It happens to be the driver that everyone hated and the b*tchiest girl of the group (the girlfriend to the camera guy who is long dead by this point). They call the police and drive to road sign to give directions, when the RV comes out of nowhere and puts an end to this wretched movie.

I've watched a series of "found footage" movies over the last month. A few of them were better than I expected. Some of them were mediocre. Then there is Crowsnest. It is the bathmat to which all these other movies wipe their feet.

RECOMMENDATION: I would rather rent an RV and drive it off a mountain than watch this movie again. So, I say avoid it.